Haven’t been on this good ole blog in AGES. I’m sure you’ve all been anxiously anticipating a new post 😉
Here’s some thoughts that have been keeping me up late at night.
WHAT IS CHEMISTRY?
You know when you meet someone and you just click? You feel chemistry or a spark between you two? My best friend and I would always ask “did you feel the sparkles” after we’d get home from a date. What does that even mean? What are you feeling? Try to describe what chemistry means out loud right now. It’s hard, I promise.
Or, how about this. How many times have you said after going on dates with someone “Eh, I don’t know. I’m just not really feeling it”. Again, what does that even mean? What are you “not feeling”?
The point I’m getting at is what in the world is chemistry? How do you define it? It’s honestly nearly impossible to describe what it is. Yet it’s something all us singles are looking for. How do you find something you can’t even define?
This topic of chemistry came up in one of my classes months ago, and I’ve been thinking of it ever since.
My professor told us a story. After weeks of dating a girl, he said he still “wasn’t feeling it”, he didn’t feel like they had chemistry. But he also realized that, on paper, she was exactly what he wanted. If he was to write down the qualities he was looking for in a wife, she had them all. He decided to change his way of thinking, and continued dating her. “The spark”, or chemistry, eventually came, and they are now happily married with a cute little family. He married a woman who had all those qualities he was looking for, all because he changed his perspective.
“Instead of looking for chemistry, I started looking for a spouse, for an eternal companion”.
HOW DO WE DO THIS
In order to implement this way of thinking, to look for the person we will spend eternity with instead of searching for some intangible feeling we call chemistry, we need to change the way we look at dating.
Maybe instead of asking “did you feel the sparkles”, we ask questions like:
Is he kind?
Is he honest, obedient, hard working?
Is she patient, forgiving, nurturing and righteous?
What is their character like?
Will he/she help me to be my best self?
These are going to be the kind of things that are really going to matter 20, 30, 50 years from now.
Let me clarify that I am not saying that chemistry isn’t important. Chemistry is definitely needed in our relationship with our spouse. However, I don’t think it’s something we need to look for very first off when we’re dating someone. There are more important things, like their character and conscious. Once we find the kind of person we are looking for, then we can delve into the chemistry searching. And we learn from the story, that when we find the kind of person we are looking for, the chemistry can follow.
I’m obviously no expert, but lately I’ve been trying to figure this out. Dating is messy and sometimes complicated, but this new perspective gives me hope. Hope that I can sort through all my feelings and that I’ll find the kind of man I’m looking for. Hope it does the same for you 🙂
Stop looking for chemistry, and start looking for an eternal companion.