Is this You?

  • Are you one of those people that has a hard time saying no? Me too. We’re twins.
  • Do you find yourself saying”it’s fine, don’t worry about it”, after someone has hurt or wronged you? Me too. We’re twins.
  • Do thoughts of ‘the one that got away’ keep you up at night worried because you didn’t say how you really felt? Me too. We’re twins.
  • Is there someone close to you that you have yet to bring up an issue with because you don’t want to offend them or make them feel uncomfortable? Me too. We’re twins.

People-Pleaser Syndrome

Honesty, openness, sincerity, boldness, and authenticity have been the topics running through my mind these days.

Like most humans, letting people down is the last thing I want to do- and so is being vulnerable and open with my feelings… It’s a phobia. In consequence of these two fears, I sometimes have a hard time standing up for myself or telling people how I really feel. I think I have people-pleaser syndrome. Can anyone relate?

Here’s the Solution

Caitlin taught me an awesome lesson one day. She could tell I was one of those girls who was afraid to “rock the boat”, and she decided to help a sister out. She told me about the concept of content communication- saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

So, if Caitlin was to tell me “Look at this sandwich I made! Do you want one?” I would respond in a way that was saying what I meant and meaning what I said. I wouldn’t say “sure!” and  proceed to suck it up and eat the sandwich, hating every ingredient in between those two bread slices. Instead, I’d be real. I would say “Girl, I’m so glad you’re loving your sandwich, but I actually don’t like avocado, or mustard, or pickles, or bologna. Thanks though!”

I get it. Sandwiches are kind of an elementary example, but I hope you get the point of content communication. Basically, it means being real, honest, and clear.

Sandwich311

Here’s another example. We’ll use dating because we all love those. Let’s go:

So, you’ve been hanging out (hopefully going on real dates… hint hint ;)) with homeboy (or homegirl) for a month or so. You’re totally falling hard, but don’t know where he is at. What’s a girl to do? You make small hints at the desire for a DTR (Determine the Relationship chat), but he just isn’t getting it. Don’t freak out, but girl (or boy), SAY SOMETHING.

Again, I get it. You don’t want to be the weird one. “Where are you at?” “What are we?” “Do you like me or what?” “Do you see yourself marrying me?” “WILL YOU BE MY BOYFRIEND ALREADY?!” So, don’t be weird. Just be BOLD, be REAL, and be SINCERE.

I know, I know, it is petrifying to open yourself up, especially with the chance of getting shut down. And I am totally being hypocritical right now, but I want to be better. So, let’s help each other out, okay? (support group for the win! :))

Boldness doesn’t mean shouting out your deepest feelings from a tree outside someone’s window.

BOLDNESS IS PLAINNESS.

When you are bold, you say what is in your heart and on your mind. You give people a clear explanation of where you are and how you feel. You leave them without question on where you stand.

Boldness doesn’t mean being rude, or blunt. It is being real, authentic, genuine and true.

authentic

Join the Movement

Vulnerability and authenticity are something to apply to every relationship. With anyone. Content communication will improve all your relationships- coworkers, friends, children, and a spouse. When you are open and honest, it allows others to be open and will strengthen your trust in each other.

When you have a belief/opinion on an issue, when someone does something that hurts or offends you, when you need help, or when someone wants you to do something that you can’t, say something. You can kindly say what you mean and mean what you say. You can be BOLD, be REAL, and be SINCERE.

So, I’m going to try harder to say what I mean and mean what I say. I feel like communicating this way will lead to deeper and truer relationships, less regrets, and more confidence. Who’s with me?

Advertisements